Call of LDPR

I was an ordinary kid from Yegoryevsk and my business was shitty. After I graduated from the 9th grade of school and flew out of the sharaga, I sat on my mother's neck and lounged around. I watched Papich's streams in the evenings, played dotka and sucked beer in the yard. There was no money, no prospects. Even the local beauty Natasha did not want to give me, which led me to a disgusting addiction to masturbation on anime. But one wonderful moment changed everything, when my sidekick named Diarrhea and I sucked pivchansky on horizontal bars. He told me that a branch of the Liberal Democratic Party had opened in our courtyard and he had already entered it. I also decided that since I can't do anything except jerk off, it's time to go into politics.